Sound asleep

I needed to wake Amanda up from her nap today so that she would sleep well tonight (unlike last night which is a whole different story). This is what I discovered:



Are all girls this flexible? The more important question is - how can this be comfortable?!?!? If you notice, on her left hand is a sock that was on her foot when I put her to bed. I guess she was roaming around a little before going to sleep.

We have pigtails!

I am hesitant to call what Amanda has ponytails because they really are short. But after 3 boys, you relish each step of actually putting a rubber band onto your child's hair for a different style. I take whatever I can get! She likes having them in and thinks she's pretty funny in the mirror. We may get some hair on the girl yet!

Wordless Wednesday

Toddler dilemna

Amanda likes her mac-n-cheese. She likes it even more when it's the shell pasta. She likes making little hats for her fingers with the shells.



Now, the dilemma. She was finished with everything in her bowl and wanted more. She really wanted to eat the "hats" on her fingers, but knew then she would have no more "hats" for her fingers. Hence, the dilemma.



Very sad, very sad.

Just for the record, she was boo hooing right before I took this picture:



She just has figured out every time the camera appears, it's time to smile. Funny little girl.

Thanksgiving at Grandma's

We drove to Grandma's house with much trepidation expecting that Amanda would have trouble sleeping in a different bed and be somewhat clingy not really understanding the concept of visiting someone else. Thankfully, we were wrong on both counts. She did amazingly well and we really got to see what a party animal she really is. She has 9 aunts and uncles and 6 cousins seen here:




She loved comanding the attention of all those adults and toward the end of our stay got really good at being cute and adorable so that everyone would notice her. We have got a social animal on our hands. She always liked to be in the center of things - wrestling with Uncle Dave (poor Uncle Dave!)



Or watching TV with the brothers:



By the way, for all of you who are old enough to remember...Remeber the Fisher Price Little People when they were actually little? That's what she has on her finger. Those Little People were much more fun to play with than the bohemeth "little" people they have now.


Overall, it was a nice time away and we got to see a side of her that we don't see often enough (mostly because we just don't get out) - the party girl Amanda.

Waking up happy

For the first month and a half, Amanda would wake up crying. The afternoon nap was particularly hard since I think she was a bit disorientated to where she was. I think she was grieving the loss of what she had left behind. Most days after she woke from her afternoon nap, I would cringe knowing there was an hour of crying and temper tantrums to come. Unless we would be able to get outside (which she loves now), there was no distracting her. Now, she wakes up like this:




She is one happy camper. She will talk to herself to go to sleep and when waking. I no longer cringe when I go to get her. All is well in the world. Brett and I think finally, she feels safe and loved.

Now, just because I have some more pictures, here you go...

She really is a diva at heart. I thought the red sweater would be too warm, but she insisted. She kept feeling the fuzzy fabric and picked out the shoes to complete the outfit. She loves looking pretty and dressing in cute clothes.




This is why little kids draw people with such long legs. That's all they see when they look up.

She ate peas!

Yes - Amanda has had her first taste of peas where she didn't turn them down just because they were green. She actually opened her mouth and let them come in! Now, she wasn't thrilled with the whole experience and I think she would rather have gotten those peas out (she tried, but I tried harder). I've been teaching her to put her spoon over her mouth to show that she shouldn't spit stuff out. She ate a bowl full of mushed peas. Hooray! Then, to top off the eating miracle, she ate vegetable/beef soup pureed. And she didn't even flinch! Brett said it was a "God sighting" for him. That's a moment when the Kingdom of God shows up in our ordinary lives.

Now, for those that are thinking - isn't this child 2 1/2 and shouldn't she be over all this stuff with trying new foods? Well, according to her sheets from the orphanage, she was eating rice porridge, noodles, bananas, cookies, cake, and apples (which we highly doubt). There were no vegetables in her diet and not much variety. The first time I even attempted anything with color, I had to hide it. The first time I attempted green, she wouldn't even open up and turned her head. So, variety in her diet is a big step. If she would just eat what we eat, I wouldn't have to double cook - meal for us - meal for her...This is huge!

The smell of fear

I listened to a woman this week who was talking about her adoption of older boys and during the talk, she mentioned that fear can make your body smell differently. I asked her if it was musty - kinda like an old attic. Yes. The way I know is that Amanda smelled like that when she came. I have never smelled that before and attributed it to her parasite. Apparently, it was fear. Thank God she no longer smells like that, but it really makes me understand a bit more what she has really gone through.

Growin' and a changin'

This weekend Nana and Papa (Brett's parents) came for a little visit. We were wondering if Amanda remembered her Papa from their time in China. After all that he went through to help get her here, we HOPED she remembered. She did. She saw him and went right to him wanting to be picked up.



Not surprising is that the little finger she had her Papa wound around is still in working order.

She also found out her Nana is pretty cool also.



She's dancing in this picture. For some reason, she dances with her arms up like that and tilts her head from side to side. When she's down on the ground, she does more of a hip wiggle, but when she's being held, it's all about the arms.




And, when you watch your family play Wii bowling, it's pretty funny to hear the pins knock down.



Finally, just to prove to all of us that she is growing used to life outdoors and all things associated with it, she decided to pet not one but two DOGS. Real life actual dogs. She not only got close to them, but she TOUCHED them! My husband knew I wouldn't quite believe him, so he got a picture:




A final blog detail. A few of you have commented how the comment section doesn't work. I think I have fixed that, so feel free to leave a comment.

Beth

Big changes in 5 weeks

Remember this little waif of a girl?



When she came to our home, she weighed just over 20 lbs. She didn't eat much and her muscle tone was a little on the floppy side. She couldn't walk down our driveway because of the slope and she ran looking a little bowlegged. She was scared of every stuffed animal we had.

After five weeks, she has gained 3 1/2 pounds and while she is limited in her food choices, she eats a lot of them. She can almost run down the driveway and stuffed animals are now seen (most of the time) as the snuggly, cuddly things they were meant to be:



Honestly, she looks huge in this picture to me:



She is working on saying words like "up" and "mama" and is learning how to baby sign for some others. She is learning to cuddle and not wiggle so much. She is a lot more verbal and knows how to get her way. She has wormed her way into our family and she is here to stay.

I won a food war!

Since coming home, Amanda has decided that she really only want to eat a limited number of food items. She'll eat anything noodles, rice congee, steamed eggs, 2 vegetables, 1 fruit, and graham crackers. So, when she decided her only fruit was no longer a thing to be desired, I put my foot down. I want to increase food items, not decrease. So, we had a showdown. I went into her room and gave her a banana slice. Then, to distract her when she was eating it (so she wouldn't spit it out), we did the happy banana dance - "yay, I'm eating bananas - whoo hooo, whoo hooo". It worked.

People see her in church and in public and comment on what a pleasant child she is. She is. She has a lot of personality and an overall sunny disposition until she wants something. Then the behaviour she's learned in the orphanage comes out. Basically, whoever can cry the longest, the hardest, and the loudest gets their way. So today when she wanted her brother's car that he was playing with, she put on big tantrum girl. She's slowly learning that while she may be the only little girl around, she will not be given everything she wants. After all, spoiled princesses grow into spoiled queens and THAT is not a pretty sight.

A final happiness. Last week, we taught her how to say "mama". I know she would say it and not realize what it meant. In the past few days, she's gotten it. She looks at me with a sparkle in her eye and a smile on her face and says "mama". While I have made a decision to be her mama since the day I knew she was ours, she has finally chosen to make me her mama. I can't say what joy that brings to me. It helps me realize what God feels a bit. He had chosen me from the foundation of the world. The day I chose to make Him my Daddy made His heart sing and the angels rejoice. Mama - how could one little word make all the other stuff seem so small?

A harsh reality

I was getting some paperwork together to re-adopt Amanda in this country since I did not go to China. The following is her "certificate of abandonment" every child in China needs in order to be adopted. Every week the newspaper posts pictures of all the children abandoned in case one of them was not truly abandoned. In Amanda's advertisement, there were several children with cleft lips, so it is an issue in China. Here is the wording:

This is hereby to certify that Dang Xueru was abandoned at north Yanzhai Village, Wangluo Town, Xiangcheng County on May 28, 2007. The baby girl was sent to Xuchang Social welfare Institute by the police of Wangluo Town Police Station of Xiangcheng Public Security Bureau on May 28, 2007. Dang Xueru's biological parents have not been found up to now, so it is identified and confirmed that she is an abandoned baby.

Honestly, that is about the saddest paragraph I have ever read. It really describes the plight of the orphan. That was her past, thankfully it is not her future.

Every girl needs a big brother...

In the future, this one will make sure that those teenage boys stay far away from you. He will make sure that you are protected and cared for. He will chase you around the house and let you tackle him just so that he can hear you giggle. You can snuggle with this one and he won't mind. He's your big brother.





In the future, this one will make sure that wherever you move, your house will always have all it's repairs done in a timely matter. He will be the one who wants to play with you ALL THE TIME because you're more his size. He will annoy you and get in your face way too often. But, he loves you in his own way. He's your big brother.




This brother (seen with his Nana Benson) will always notice you mostly when you're crying right now. Since you have no way of interacting with him verbally, he sees past you almost. This one will always be the "I have a brother who is..." Eventually, you'll see the precious things God has put in him, but for now, he's a kid you really can't figure out.

You have joined a family with three brothers. May God give you grace!

Today was a good day

Today was a much better day than yesterday when I boo hooed a lot to Brett on the phone about being overwhelmed. Yesterday ended with a team meeting to get Amanda speech therapy services. They were exclaiming how adorable she was and how personable. They noticed too that she was very quick in imitating. All things I needed to hear since I get a lot of whining from her and to be honest, it sucks the life right out of me. I needed that encouragement. The speech therapist asked her to open her mouth and she did it no problem. She then continued to do it every time he looked at her as if she knew "this is the guy who wants to look inside my mouth". I was able to tell them exactly where she was with oral sensitivities since I have been down that road before. I was already doing the things I needed to do in order to get her less orally sensitive since I've already done all that once before. Her whining is that she knows what she wants and doesn't have the communication skills yet to tell us.

Today, we got her to say "mama". I don't think she associates it with me yet, but she is trying to imitate. I am seeing how a youngest child, aka "star of the family" gets born. It's because they have all these people who think everything they do is the cutest little thing. She definitely has her fan club. There were a lot of squeezy hugs from her today and an overall nice attitude. Still a lot of whining, but not as much hitting, so we take what we can get. All in all a better day. The adoption two step continues - two steps forward, one step back.

The other woman

There were other women before me. First there was her first mommy. The woman whose voice she recognized when she was born. The woman whose voice was silenced when she was left on a corner in Xuchang city. Her first loss. Then there is the woman that she seems to want when she wakes up from a nap. Today for example. I knew when I walked into her room after she woke from a nap that it was going to be a boo hoo wake up time. There must have been a woman she really liked who came and got her after nap. This was her second loss. I wish I could talk to that woman who got her up after an afternoon nap.

So, today I talked to Amanda while she was crying. I know she didn't understand me but it went something like this:
"It isn't right you didn't get to grow up in China with your first mommy and daddy. It isn't right that you have to grow up in a country where most people don't look like you and you don't understand what anyone is saying. It isn't right that you had to leave everything you've ever known so that you could become part of a family..." We live in a broken world and this is some of the pain that is experienced by millions of children. Thank God that this world is not our home.

A time to grieve

Yesterday, Amanda woke up from her nap crying like she usually does, but this time, could not stop. She wouldn't drink her milk and was having temper tantrums. She would sit in my lap quietly crying until I said something to one of the boys and then she really started boo- hooing. I really believe she was grieving for all that she left behind. Yes, she's in a better place, but she has really left everything she has ever known including understanding what people are saying around her. Then, all of a sudden, she snapped out of it and went back to smiling and giggling. There's only been one other time like this before and there will be more to come. In the meantime, we just hold her.

When you have a little girl in your family, you wonder what she will be like. Will she be princess/ girly girl? Or will she be a little more rough and tumble? Here is Amanda aka girly girl with her little barrette:



And here is Amanda a little more rough and tumble. Can anyone say Benson dog pile?



The jury is still out. She does have 3 brothers so it really could go either way. She seems to be leaning more so to the very active little girl side. But I don't think it's going to stay that way. There's so much to see and so many new things to do. Also, a big part of it is joy. She has a lot of joy. She sometimes bursts with joy when I'm holding her as she squeals and she hugs my neck tightly. Now that is something to rejoice in.

Nervous Nelly

There's one thing (among many) that we've discovered about Amanda. She's afraid of all things natural. Based on her reactions to animals (both living and stuffed) and anything plant based, we tend to assume she didn't go outside much and didn't even see outside much. She looks outside a lot and things like the wind blowing through the trees sometimes makes her nervous. When we actually go outside, there is a lot for her to fear.



The trees make her afraid. They are big and tall and who knows what those leaves are going to do to you. We just get her under the tree and make her nervous. So, we let her touch it on her terms just to get her to understand that the tree will not harm her.



A new one yesterday was a leaf blowing across the sidewalk. Very scary. We had to stomp on it. She likes anything she can be dominate over- stuff she can whack with her little hand, but that big stuff - scarrrry! House plants are still a little nerve-wracking also. They sit up high above my kitchen cabinets. Very scary. She won't even touch those.

But, she does love clothes and accessories that make her feel pretty. Nothing to be scared of here:

A hard transition

Well, Amanda is on the mend and eating like a champ. She's still pretty limited in what she will eat, but she's eating a lot of it. Me (Beth) on the other hand is sick. I have been for two days now and it is not fun. I have no idea what I have but it involves a fever (which was a 1 1/2 day deal), a cough, and a general "I feel horrible". Brett stayed home yesterday and Monday since I had to bring Judah to a doctor's appointment in St. Paul. He needs a new back brace which is a day long adventure and I am having a lot of trouble co-ordinating things around here. I keep apologizing to Brett about his family being so overwhelming. It is overwhelming and I realize the man needs to work, but I need him here also. Things will calm down in a few months once every one is over the major medical appointments. I just don't want to be the next person to have to go to the doctor. I just don't have time or energy. AARRG!

Partial tests came back

This little sweetie who laughs and runs around the house and tends to not want to eat large quantities of food has a parasite called Giardia. It's common in parts of the world where they don't have a clean water supply. So, we're onto drug #2 which will prayerfully get rid of the latest creepy crawly. I can't wait to see what she's like when she feels good!

On other thoughts...as I was tickling Amanda and hearing her little laugh, I felt a little sad for another mother who will never know her daughter and that little laugh. For the loss of the other mother who will never be able to say, "she looks just like______". I wonder, does she look more like her mom or dad? What will that look like when she grows up? Did her Chinese mom sing to her when she was pregnant? Did she have hopes and dreams for her child? What were all the emotions surrounding her birth when the cleft lip/ cleft palate was discovered? All those little questions that have no answers. I hope and pray that the people who gave her life also know the One who gives eternal life because then someday, I will be able to introduce Amanda to the parents who cared enough to give her life and to leave her someplace she would be found. Now THAT will be a celebration worth seeing.

Welcome home Amanda, welcome home.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

The good: Amanda is fitting in surprisingly well. She has decided that she likes me as her caretaker and maybe someday I'll graduate to Mommy status. She is preferring me to Brett and follows me through the house. She's a snuggle bug and a really happy little girl. Her brothers like her. I believe Nathan sees her as "that other kid in the house", but once things settle down a bit, they'll get along fine.

We like her!





The Bad: We are really trying to find anything she likes. She's content to carry a graham cracker around the house and just nibble from it. She's lost a lot of weight and having a child who's decided to be picky is not a good thing. I called our Chinese neighbor (who happens to be from the same province!) and she said many people are lactose intolerate there just because they can't afford dairy products. She also suggested where I could get some better tasting rice in our grocery store because as she puts it "American rice is awful!".

The Ugly: At the doctor on Monday, they found a double ear infection and a burst eardrum and gave me all these viles to fill up to check for digestion creepy crawlies. Then the Tuesday doctor took a lot of blood work to check for all those things they need to check adopted children for. In a few days, we'll find what is going on with her digestive system. So, healthy children are a blessing! I wonder how she'll be when she feels good!

Amanda is home!

First, the house was prepared. We put away all small toys and made a sign. We were very excited. Brett's plane was delayed by 45 minutes.



Our first glimpse of Brett! Yay! They are home!








We got Amanda in her carseat. I had prepared the boys for a lot of crying and possible screaming, but she didn't. She giggled all the way home. She sucked down a bottle of rice milk and proceeded to eat a bunch of mashed sweet potatoes with chicken. There was a little trouble putting her to bed and she needed to make sure Brett was around. Then finally sleep! She woke up ready to play at 1:30 and then went back to sleep around 5:30. She ate breakfast! I'm thinking we're in the honeymoon stage, but so be it. It's been an easy transition.

Last day in China

China is an amazing country and I'm proud to have adopted a daughter from there. I can think of no other country which is so rich in culture and the people are wonderful.

They are beautiful, both inside and out. I haven't had the time and energy to share much detail but here are two particular experiences which I will remember.

My dad and I each bought Chinese scrolls, which are beautiful hand-painted tapestries that hang from the wall. These are unique in that orphans painted them! Kenny sells them and has a shop close to the White Swan hotel. He provides education to the orphans and sells their art to provide support for the orphans. My dad bought a beautiful one that was actually painted by an orphan with one arm! Here is Kenny's Web site: http://www.echoinchina.org/index.html

He's a great example of a man of courage who is fighting injustice and caring for the least of these. He is known by the government and not afraid of that. He was imprisoned for one week, along with others in his Christian group that he meets with.

One of the families in our group adopted a child with a cleft lip and palate, which hasn't been repaired yet. The husband encountered a woman who was so surprised that they wanted a child like that who she actually called ugly. The woman told them that a girl with that condition could get no education b/c of her looks and as a girl she would have trouble helping/supporting her aged parents (a huge responsibility and focus in China especially)

This woman had no idea that this wonderful little girl could be helped and was amazed that anyone would take her into their family. What a blessing to have a free press and free flow of information in the USA! My prayer is that China would do the same and compassion would arise from the information so more Chinese families would take care of these orphans as well.

Pictures on the Riverboat tour in Guangzhou



More red couch photos




It was a moving and amazing experience to have 40 families give the oath today at the U.S. consulate, sealing the adoption of their Chinese daughters and sons. My dad and I celebrated simply, having Papa John's pizza in the hotel room tonight. (We've had many Chinese meals so we needed a break)

I'm looking so forward to introducing Amanda to her mom and brothers! Skype has worked Ok for us a few nights but it sure doesn't compare to being there!
It's been difficult and tiring (since Amanda and I have both been sick - some of the diarrhea is back for her] but also so fulfilling to finally bond with Amanda. She's a sweet and fun girl who pulls you in with her adorable nature. She's quite the people person. One person in our group says she talks almost as much as her dad and grandpa. :)

We leave early Friday morning (Thur night in the States) for Tokyo and then on to LA and then home. I'd love to fast forward the next day. :)

Thank you for all your encouragement and prayers! I'm in awe of what God is doing. I look forward to showing her off to everyone.

The red couch

One of the final stops in a Chinese adoption is the red couch at the White Swan Hotel. For some reason, it has become the Chinese adoption photo.





Brett was feeling well enough to go swimming with Amanda which she LOVED. He also went on a river cruise with the group at night. He told me you'll know when she wants something since she'll start making happy noises and almost singing.
He has not participated in a lot of the group touring opportunities due to him or Amanda being sick, but he will get her home and that is the important part. Only two more sleeps and Brett and Amanda come home.

To be honest, I'm a little nervous and downright scared. She sounds like a live wire and quite stubborn about the things that will keep her healthy (sleep and food). I'm seeing it as a two year old standoff with a little girl who really doesn't know what is going on. She is controlling the things she can control. It seems like she saw the initial days with Brett as a fun party and now she just wants to go "home" to the orphanage - party's over! But she doesn't understand that her whole world is changing...a change for the better, but a change she can't understand. I think once we get into a routine at home, she should improve. You can only be so consistent in a hotel while traveling in a foreign country. Also, at home we have two little boys that I can use as props for what is acceptable behaviour and the rewards of good behaviour. I'm hoping they will also help ease her transition. All I can say is that the prayer level around here will definately be "never ceasing". I'm thankful that I know God who understands this little girl and her needs and sorrows.

In Guangzhou

Amanda has been sick the last few days and is finally over what was giving her a lot of woes. So, Brett hasn't really gone anywhere and stayed in the hotel. Thankfully, she is on the mend, but now Brett is feeling really ill. So, Grandpa is taking over a lot of the Amanda care and Brett is just trying to rest so that he can make that plane ride home. I'm sure Brett's Dad did not realize all that he was signing up for and is REALLY ready to get home. I'm just ready for them to get home so we can get everyone well and move onto making a new family of six. I'll just share this picture...It was pictures from a fellow adoptee's camera at the orphanage.



Both of these children have families now and are just waiting to get home.

Please pray for Brett - he has almost 4 days left and really needs to get better. Thank you!